Betting on black Ilene

Betting on black

I’m asking nicely here. I’m not begging. But I am strongly requesting that people stop changing the English language on us senior citizens.

I’m so tired of hearing the words, “There’s an app for that.” First off, “app” used to mean the food you’d bring to a dinner party—you know, appetizers. I hear they’re called “appys” now.

But now all these familiar words and abbreviations are different and quite frankly, confusing to us “older” people. I believe we’re called “silver foxes” now. Or maybe that’s just what I call us.

Take the word “salty.” Salty, to me, means tiny little white grains of seasoning that I keep in a shaker (is it still called a shaker?). And I use little of it because of blood pressure concern. But apparently it means “being upset over something little.” To me, a phrase for being upset over something little is “Suck it up.”

And then we have the word “loaf.” Loaf is sliced bread lined up neatly in a plastic bag. Or combined with “meat,” it’s a dish that consists of ground beef mixed with other stuff and eaten for dinner.

It can also mean what we do on a rainy day—“We loafed and watched Netflix all day.” But not these days. Loaf now means to show affection for someone or many people. “Loaf you man, I hope you feel better.” Loaf.

“Meh.” That’s a word now. What is that? Are you getting ready to sneeze? Throw up? Perhaps you are a goat. Don’t they say Mehhhh? Nope. Incorrect. It means that one doesn’t care too deeply about the issue at hand, or that something is just okay. It is the opposite of “fly,” which apparently means that something (or someone) is cool and awesome. “Fly,” to my generation, means either an annoying insect, what planes do, or what time does when you’re having fun.

And then there’s “grind.” Grind, to me, is what you do with your teeth when someone aggravates you, or what you do with coffee beans, or what the server in a restaurant does above your salad with the peppermill. But no. “Grind” means to work your hind parts off to get something done. As in, “I am so late with my term paper. I gotta grind tonight!”

“Slworking.” Guess what that means? Goofing off and/or slacking while at work. “He’s playing a game on his PC. He’s slworking.”

That word is so dumb that my generation doesn’t have any word that is comparable for it. If I want to say that someone is goofing off at work, I would, very creatively, say, “He’s goofing off at work.”

How about Job Jobbed? Ever hear that one? Used in a sentence—“I had a major project to do at work and I job jobbed it.”

This means that I did the job. I finished my project. Once the job is complete you have jobbed the job, evidently. I’m telling you, if I ever said that to my boss, she’d send me brochures for retirement.

Any sushi aficionados out there? Have you ever gone out for sushi with other people? If the answer is yes, then you were not dining with others; you were sushilizing. Bet you didn’t even realize that. I guess if you don’t go out for sushi, you are unsushilizing.

How many of us have eaten chicken and waffles? Or bacon and ice cream? Together, during the same meal. I myself have not partaken of these particular combo delicacies. But those who have, ostensibly, have Brennered. Breakfast plus dinner (in some universe) equals brenner.

I want to make up words too. I want to write my own dictionary. Here’s a few examples:

1. Napflix – what you need to take after you binged yourself senseless watching Netflix.

2. Mantrum – when a male gets really mad and stamps around and slams doors.

3. Nonversation – being with someone and not talking. Not a peep.

4. Afterclap – when one person in a crowd is still clapping after everyone else has stopped, and everyone turns and stares at the afterclapper.

There’s a bunch more but frankly some of them are not fit to print. I think I found my retirement activity!