Betting on black Ilene

Betting on black

So….masks. There are those who don’t wear them. There are those who wear them. There are those who forget them in the car and have to run back and get them. There are those who have to wear them while they work. There are TV and movie superheroes who wear them because their costume requires it.

Whatever category you fit into, let’s all be truthful here. NO ONE likes wearing them. Except the TV and movie superheroes. They get paid a lot more than we do.

First off, call me a sucker who has been brainwashed by the news, but I believe that mask-wearing is a necessity in order for us to finally kick this freaking pandemic to the curb.

There are people who do not believe that mask-wearing is necessary. Whatever. I am not a hater, so you do you, boo-boo.

Having said that, I’m going to point out the upside of wearing a mask. There are wonderful and practical things a mask can do for you.

1. If you wear false teeth or a partial plate or your teeth are not your best feature, then wearing a mask gives you the freedom to NOT wear or show your teeth. For me, given that my teeth need work, this is a huge plus.

2. Masks hide those laugh lines around your mouth. Pair that with a pair of large sunglasses and poof! You’re young again.

3. If you are a woman of a certain age, you may get bristly little hairs on your upper lip and/or chin.

If you’re like me, obsessed with plucking them out the second they emerge, relax. Slap on your mask and no one will see those hairs. Unless they’re really long. Then just tuck those suckers in the mask and off you go.

4. If you suffer from cheek and chin breakouts, your mask will effectively hide them and give the impression that your skin is flawless.

5. If you want to stick your tongue out at someone but are too chicken to let them know you’re doing it, voila! Stick your tongue out at will, because with your mask on, no one knows. Except you.

Downside: keep doing it and you will end up with a wet spot on your mask eventually. And oh yeah. Masks don’t normally come in flavors, so it’s not gonna taste good unless you actually LIKE the taste of cotton.

6. A bit gross, but if you have a runny nose, no one will know. Same with drooling.

7. You can hide snacks in your mask and graze at will. Word of caution: watch out for crumbs.

8. If you are a fashionista, you have many choices for masks nowadays. There are leopard and other animal print ones. There are ones adorned with lace and sparkles and sequins.

There are movie or TV character faces on masks now. There are masks with slogans on them. Like, “Will remove for wine,” or “Insert tacos here,” or “Read my lips.”

We went to a kids’ party recently. We wore our masks. Mine was one of those disposable ones. There were chocolate cupcakes with green icing. I think they were supposed to be for the kids.

Well, I took one. I pulled my mask down my chin and scarfed down the cupcake. Plus half the cupcake wrapper.

Why did I eat the cupcake wrapper? Because I didn’t see it. My bunched-up mask was in the way!

I finished the cupcake and threw what was left of the wrapper away. When I came back, my husband and a friend of ours looked at me oddly. This is not unusual behavior. I often inspire those looks. I asked them what their problem was. Turns out that the outside of my mask was covered with chocolate crumbs and bright green icing.

Who knew? When I took my mask off, a bunch of chocolate cupcake crumbs poured out onto the ground. George asked if I got to actually TASTE the cupcake. (I did. It was excellent. I would have taken another one but the kids took the rest of them. Doggone kids.)

So there you have it. My take on mask-wearing. Stay healthy, my friends!

Ilene Black has been a resident of Ewing for most of her life and lives across the street from her childhood home. She and her husband, George, have two sons, Georgie and Donnie.