A children’s book author and former elementary school teacher, Cooper lives in East Windsor.

It’s Not Me

The tiny gremlins who live in my house
do a lot of terrible things.
They lose my stuff, they eat too much,
so I have to go marketing.

They misplace my papers, change
telephone numbers, and sometimes
they make me call in a plumber; like
when they flushed my diamond earring
down into the drain of my sink.

I tell them I must exercise, and they smile
and give me a wink. I know that they won't
let me go, so I crawl back in my bed to sleep.

They mix up dates on my calendar, and my
library books are late. They mess around
with my bathroom scale, and I think that
I'm gaining weight.

They drain the power from batteries, and
my TV remotes don't work. They do all
of these terrible things. Yet they make me
feel like a JERK.

I often try to shoo them out, but they love my
house too much. The take a vacation now and
then; but they always keep in touch.

Sometimes they chisel a chip in a glass, and
even crack a good plate. I called up those
who exterminate; but nobody handles gremlins.
They say if I really want them out THEY HAVE
TO GET RID OF ME.

I don't think that is fair at all. I should not
be the one to go. They make me frantic with
all their antics, but I have to let them stay.

The only thing that I can do is try to outsmart
them every day. So if I can keep my head on
straight, It will SEEM like they’ve gone away.